Self image: One's conception of oneself

Friday, 15 March 2013

15. 16? No, not yet.
Daughter, sister, granddaughter, niece, cousin
Lover of sleep, books, movies, art, the internet, rain, caffeine, dogs
and God  
I'm a student, artist, social media addict and apparently now a blogger too
I am terrified of the future
(the uncertainty of it)
but at the same time hopeful.

I am perturbed by the constant onward crawl of time

Getting less and less until O Levels are the next day
I want to walk into the examination hall feeling prepared

Today on the whiteboard were the words "O Levels: 221 days."


But today, the last day of the term, was a good day because it is one step closer to my goal(s?)

And therefore it is a day I would like to document
Although not all of my grades are as good as I want them to be, I still thank God for what they are
and I trust that He will make a way. Somehow.
(even in the ridiculous new English syllabus ahhaha)

I am worried that I won't be good enough to do what I want to do after 2013

because I'm doing horribly for the subjects that I care about
And so I'm worried, naturally. A bit. A lot.
I don't know if I'm doing enough, because when I see others study I feel like I'm only putting in a third of the effort that they put in and so, again, I'm worried.
Not enough?

I'm trying to look forward and not back,

and make more plans to do more interesting things with my life
I'm trying to get from here to there and having some problems with that

The past three months have been challenging mentally

and I sometimes feel drained. And afraid that I am, for lack of a better word, insufficient
Re: not enough?
But I still remain hopeful and I think I've been happier this year than I've ever been
I don't know how things will turn out in the next 221 days, or until the end of this year,
but I suppose I will trust in the Lord to lead me through it 
and the next three terms will be great.

Carin, March 2013.


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